Sadness and loving

I sleep badly at nights,
tossing and turning the dreams away
You were awake,
meanwhile, on the sofa,
in the other room,
surfing the net, or
watching tv,
or maybe even staring out of the window
at the huge beautiful dark scary tree outside

You come to bed,
I lie still, hoping you won’t notice,
hoping you won’t ask,
but there is some part of me that hopes you will,
and I can tell you,
that I haven’t been sleeping well,
not just tonight,
but for a few days,
not every day,
but sometimes.

I want to ramble on,
push my head onto your lap,
wait for the moment when the tears come,
feel your hand on the back of my neck.

But I don’t.

I hear you
change your clothes in the dark,
brush your teeth,
flush the toilet,
get into bed.

Are you awake? you ask
I’m feeling scared and alone.

And then I turn,
hold you,
kiss your forehead,
and miraculously,
as you feel safer,
happier,
so do I.